Thursday, April 25, 2013
Yavette Chivon Carter November 14, 1985-April 4, 2013
I have always been so lucky in my life, not losing anyone close to me. In an instant, that all changed. I was sitting at home on a Friday afternoon watching the Discovery Channel with Cierra. Woody was napping on the couch. My phone rang, it was my Mom. When I answered, it was clear that she was crying and very upset. My first thought was that something had happened to my Grandpa. She said to me, "Yavette is dead." I could not, for anything, comprehend what she had just said to me. She had to say it to me again and again. Finally I got it. I was so confused. I had just talked to her the day before. She had called me about my guinea pigs. I had posted on Facebook that I needed to get rid of them, and she asked me to save them for her until my Mom could come pick them up at the end of the month. She wanted them for her 2 year-old Brayly. I told her that I would, for sure. We talked about the Zumba video she had been doing and the Wii that I was going to send with the guinea pigs. Addy started crying, so I told her I had to go. I always ALWAYS say "I love you" when I get off of the phone with family. So I told her I loved her and hung up. I didn't know that that would be the last conversation I would have with my little sister. The little sister I grew up sharing a room (And a bed sometimes)with, who I shared clothes, who had just come up a couple of weeks prior to visit me in Billings. Our last conversation was about guinea pigs. Anyway, my Mom was sobbing into the phone, and all I could get is that Yavette and Trent (her boyfriend) were murdered. The girls (She has a 2 month old and a 2 year-old) were safe, but their Mommy was gone. I could not wrap my head around it. I still cannot wrap my head around it. I lost it. I was screaming and crying. HOW?! I had JUST talked to her 24 hours ago. It didn't make sense. I hung up. The next few days are a blur. I called my Mom so many times trying to figure out what had happened. I will not go into detail, but I do know that her boyfriend and his dad (who was also murdered) were involved in some bad, illegal stuff. The cops tell us that Yavette was a bystander. That she was loose ends. That whoever was there was after the men. That my little sister died protecting her tiny newborn. Yavette was not perfect. None of us are. What she knew, what she was actively involved in, I will never know. But I assure you, she was a fantastic Mom. She loved her two baby girls. Yavette and I fought like most sisters do growing up. I remember throwing all of her stuff out of our bedroom window. But we also had a lot of fun times. Like watching Liar Liar over and over again as teenagers and laughing our hineys off. We weren't as close in our early adult years. However, right before she found out she was pregnant with her oldest, we started working harder on our relationship. I remember being at a gas station when I received the text message with a picture of her positive pregnancy test. I couldn't believe it. I was so happy for her. From that point, we got pretty close (Yes, there were a few arguments...C'mon, we were sisters!) We text each other regularly, and there were times we would spend an hour or two on the phone talking. She always called me if she had a question about pregnancy, and after Brayly was born, she would call about any questions she had about the baby. In June, 2012, I came back to Idaho for my high school reunion. I was fairly certain I was pregnant, but it was still too early to tell. Yavette and I went to dinner and shopping. We had a blast. Just her and I. No kids. It was a lot of fun. She then asked if a faint positive test was still a positive. I said, "Yea probably". She was worried, because she was struggling with her relationship at that point, but had just gotten that faint positive. I started asking about dates, and confided in her that I was pretty sure I was pregnant and that if I was, we would be due at the same time. After I got my positive, we discovered we shared a due date. We spent the next 9 months talking about pregnancy, and joking about the babies being born on the same day. She went in to have Havyn on the 1 of February. I was so jealous. I was miserable!! (Addy came a month and a day later!) A couple of weeks after Addy was born, my Mom, her boyfriend and my sister came to see me in Billings. A visit I will forever be thankful for. That was the last time I saw her. It was a nice, pleasant visit. Yavette even went with me to Addy's first well baby visit. Yavette adored her baby girls and her nieces and nephews.Dear Yavette,There is so much to say. First, I still can't believe you are gone. I miss you everyday, which is funny, cause we didn't see each other everyday or even talk everyday. But now I don't even have the option. I am here in Idaho with Mom, helping take care of your two beautiful, sweet baby girls. I love them so much. And they break my heart so badly. I am sad that they will grow up without your physical presence. I am sad that you will not be here to see them grow up. (Yes, I know you are watching...But...) Sis, I do know that Mom and I both will do everything in our power to make sure they know how much you love them. And we will also make sure they never go without feeling loved. I am so proud of you. You are my personal hero. You laid down your life for your baby. You amaze me. Thank you, for that. I swear to you to take the best care of these girls as I can, and I know Mom will too. I love you. More than you ever knew.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Introducing Miss Adalyn MaKaye!! **tmi alert**
Let me preface this by saying, I know not everyone agrees with my choices, and I respect that. Please read this knowing that Woody and I made the decision to birth the way we did with the guidance of The Lord....And.....It is over and done with, so it is obviously not up for debate! ;)
In January, when I was about 36 1/2 weeks pregnant, I woke up at about midnight feeling pretty gross. My stomach hurt. I could not get comfortable. I was miserable!! At about 2 a.m. I went to the bathroom, and passed a glob of blood. (No cervical check, no intimacy....) I continued trying to sleep, but couldn't. I wasn't contracting but I still didn't feel well. At 7, I called K (my midwife) explained what had happened. She said to call Woody and have him head home. When she got to my house to check me, I was dilated to a 3. Woody was already on the mad dash home. A little later (still very few VERY mild contractions.) I was dilated to a 4. We thought that I could be headed into labor....... Well, I wasn't. All of a sudden everything halted. No more dilation. Not so much as a twinge!! I had mixed feelings about it. I was disappointed that I wouldn't be meeting my sweet baby girl but I was kind of relieved as 36 1/2 weeks is kind of early.
We spent the next few weeks waiting... Sure that it was "any minute now"... A friend described this kind of waiting as "waking up each morning thinking it is Christmas, only to find out it has been cancelled." I cried often. My guess date came and went. I cried more. Another friend described this as "running a marathon only to find out there are still 2 more miles." I knew 42 weeks was a possibility,but I thought dilating to a 4 in one day kinda lessened that possibility. Nope. Woody was home through all of this, and let me tell you, he totally deserves a medal for putting up with me. One day I would wake up happy and chipper...The next I would wake up mean as could be! And those moods could vary often throughout the day.
At 40 weeks, we started trying some 'natural' induction techniques, all to no avail. Since my midwife can only legally deliver until 42 weeks, I was running out of time. I was likely looking at a c-section again. My hopes for a home birth were slipping away. I had a large range of emotions regarding this. I was definitely sad. Slowly, begrudgingly, I came to accept that I cannot control everything. At my final check up (41 weeks 4 days) we discussed the possibility of K inducing me by artificial rupture of membranes (breaking my water). She felt the risk of cord prolapse was very low because Addy's head was low. We decided to try it. The other risk with AROM is that it puts you 'on the clock' if it doesn't do something within 24 hours, medical care is transferred to the hospital. I was facing that, and almost surely a repeat c-section on Monday anyway, so that was a very minimal concern. We planned on K and J (my doula) being at the house at 10 a.m. The following morning. When K showed up, she broke my water, and went about setting up for the birth. At first, there was nothing. Not a single contraction. We went for a ride on a bumpy road. Came home and ordered pizza for lunch, ate and visited. I had a few contractions, but nothing significant. J gave me a nice foot massage, and we were visiting when a strong contraction hit. I stood up and made it through it. Before I knew it, another one hit... Then another. I went from nothing to strong, intense, 2 minutes apart contractions. All I studied in Hypnobabies went out the window. All I wanted was to stand leaning against Woody. Everyone was amazing and helpful. After about 35 minutes (I learned later, at the time I had no idea how long it had been) we moved from the living room to the bedroom where K checked me. I was 9 cm. K told me I had to wait for a few more contractions to start pushing. All of the typical things happened. I cried. I yelled. I decided I could NOT do it. I stripped off every thing but my sports bra. And I made it through 2 more contractions. Then The urge to push overwhelmed me. I was scared beforehand that I wouldn't know. Oh. I knew. There is no mistaking it. I pushed through 2 contractions and her head was out. Then we realized she still wasn't coming. K thought she may have a shoulder stuck. However, it ended up that she had her arms crossed over her chest, making it hard for her to get out. Once K manipulated her a bit, it was one more push and she was out. What a feeling. I birthed her in a squatting position. I honestly could not have ever done any of it laying down. The one time I did lay down for a check, I wanted to die when a contraction hit. The whole thing took 1 hour and 5 minutes. She was born at 3:05 p.m. The first thing I asked was if she was a girl. K didn't even check, she handed her to me to let me check and announce it. (I had planned on catching her, but since she came out while K was manipulating her arms, she caught her) I cannot describe the feelings I had. All I could say was how perfect she was and that I had "actually done it!" K, J and Woody helped me onto the bed and I immediately nursed. She stayed latched for about an hour. Then K cut the cord, and Woody weighed and measured her. To everyone's surprise, she was 9 pounds 2 oz, 20.5 inches long, and her head was 14.5 inches around. K made Woody weigh her twice. She had figured she would be a bit bigger, but seeing the amount of amniotic fluid I had, she thought she wouldn't be quite that big. The only sorta-problem I had was that my placenta wouldn't deliver itself. Even after 2 nursing sessions, a shower and some pressure from K. Them she told me that if I didn't deliver it in the next 20 minutes, I would have to go to the hospital and a physician would deliver it. There was NO way I was going to the hospital after all I had gone through! The placenta was delivered within 5 minutes. Adalyn MaKaye Rachell Merrell is perfect. She has fabulous coloring, nurses like a champ and even has rH negative blood saving Mommy an extra shot! Home birthing my baby girl was the most intense, amazing experience of my life. I loved being able to "sleep" (Addy has her days and nights confused.) in my bed last night. I love not being away from my older kids at night. And I love how empowered I feel when I look at my 9 pound 2 ounce, perfect baby girl, and know that yes, I did it!
In January, when I was about 36 1/2 weeks pregnant, I woke up at about midnight feeling pretty gross. My stomach hurt. I could not get comfortable. I was miserable!! At about 2 a.m. I went to the bathroom, and passed a glob of blood. (No cervical check, no intimacy....) I continued trying to sleep, but couldn't. I wasn't contracting but I still didn't feel well. At 7, I called K (my midwife) explained what had happened. She said to call Woody and have him head home. When she got to my house to check me, I was dilated to a 3. Woody was already on the mad dash home. A little later (still very few VERY mild contractions.) I was dilated to a 4. We thought that I could be headed into labor....... Well, I wasn't. All of a sudden everything halted. No more dilation. Not so much as a twinge!! I had mixed feelings about it. I was disappointed that I wouldn't be meeting my sweet baby girl but I was kind of relieved as 36 1/2 weeks is kind of early.
We spent the next few weeks waiting... Sure that it was "any minute now"... A friend described this kind of waiting as "waking up each morning thinking it is Christmas, only to find out it has been cancelled." I cried often. My guess date came and went. I cried more. Another friend described this as "running a marathon only to find out there are still 2 more miles." I knew 42 weeks was a possibility,but I thought dilating to a 4 in one day kinda lessened that possibility. Nope. Woody was home through all of this, and let me tell you, he totally deserves a medal for putting up with me. One day I would wake up happy and chipper...The next I would wake up mean as could be! And those moods could vary often throughout the day.
At 40 weeks, we started trying some 'natural' induction techniques, all to no avail. Since my midwife can only legally deliver until 42 weeks, I was running out of time. I was likely looking at a c-section again. My hopes for a home birth were slipping away. I had a large range of emotions regarding this. I was definitely sad. Slowly, begrudgingly, I came to accept that I cannot control everything. At my final check up (41 weeks 4 days) we discussed the possibility of K inducing me by artificial rupture of membranes (breaking my water). She felt the risk of cord prolapse was very low because Addy's head was low. We decided to try it. The other risk with AROM is that it puts you 'on the clock' if it doesn't do something within 24 hours, medical care is transferred to the hospital. I was facing that, and almost surely a repeat c-section on Monday anyway, so that was a very minimal concern. We planned on K and J (my doula) being at the house at 10 a.m. The following morning. When K showed up, she broke my water, and went about setting up for the birth. At first, there was nothing. Not a single contraction. We went for a ride on a bumpy road. Came home and ordered pizza for lunch, ate and visited. I had a few contractions, but nothing significant. J gave me a nice foot massage, and we were visiting when a strong contraction hit. I stood up and made it through it. Before I knew it, another one hit... Then another. I went from nothing to strong, intense, 2 minutes apart contractions. All I studied in Hypnobabies went out the window. All I wanted was to stand leaning against Woody. Everyone was amazing and helpful. After about 35 minutes (I learned later, at the time I had no idea how long it had been) we moved from the living room to the bedroom where K checked me. I was 9 cm. K told me I had to wait for a few more contractions to start pushing. All of the typical things happened. I cried. I yelled. I decided I could NOT do it. I stripped off every thing but my sports bra. And I made it through 2 more contractions. Then The urge to push overwhelmed me. I was scared beforehand that I wouldn't know. Oh. I knew. There is no mistaking it. I pushed through 2 contractions and her head was out. Then we realized she still wasn't coming. K thought she may have a shoulder stuck. However, it ended up that she had her arms crossed over her chest, making it hard for her to get out. Once K manipulated her a bit, it was one more push and she was out. What a feeling. I birthed her in a squatting position. I honestly could not have ever done any of it laying down. The one time I did lay down for a check, I wanted to die when a contraction hit. The whole thing took 1 hour and 5 minutes. She was born at 3:05 p.m. The first thing I asked was if she was a girl. K didn't even check, she handed her to me to let me check and announce it. (I had planned on catching her, but since she came out while K was manipulating her arms, she caught her) I cannot describe the feelings I had. All I could say was how perfect she was and that I had "actually done it!" K, J and Woody helped me onto the bed and I immediately nursed. She stayed latched for about an hour. Then K cut the cord, and Woody weighed and measured her. To everyone's surprise, she was 9 pounds 2 oz, 20.5 inches long, and her head was 14.5 inches around. K made Woody weigh her twice. She had figured she would be a bit bigger, but seeing the amount of amniotic fluid I had, she thought she wouldn't be quite that big. The only sorta-problem I had was that my placenta wouldn't deliver itself. Even after 2 nursing sessions, a shower and some pressure from K. Them she told me that if I didn't deliver it in the next 20 minutes, I would have to go to the hospital and a physician would deliver it. There was NO way I was going to the hospital after all I had gone through! The placenta was delivered within 5 minutes. Adalyn MaKaye Rachell Merrell is perfect. She has fabulous coloring, nurses like a champ and even has rH negative blood saving Mommy an extra shot! Home birthing my baby girl was the most intense, amazing experience of my life. I loved being able to "sleep" (Addy has her days and nights confused.) in my bed last night. I love not being away from my older kids at night. And I love how empowered I feel when I look at my 9 pound 2 ounce, perfect baby girl, and know that yes, I did it!
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
30 thankfuls day 2
Today, I am thankful for our business. It has, at times, been a nightmare. However, it has opened so many doors and hopefully will, someday, be the key to us having Woody home!!
Monday, October 22, 2012
30 days of thankful Day 1
30 days til Thanksgiving! Gosh, that happened fast!!!! Time for the annual thankful list!!
Day 1: today, I am thankful for my family. I am so blessed with an awesome husband and amazing, beautiful, healthy children. They are my everything! I dare each of them!!
Day 1: today, I am thankful for my family. I am so blessed with an awesome husband and amazing, beautiful, healthy children. They are my everything! I dare each of them!!
Time. Is. Flying.
I kinda wish it would slow down! This pregnancy seems to be really just passing me by.i am already nearly 23 weeks!! That means round 17 weeks left. (I suspect Addy wants to be a March baby, and of I am right, I have closer to 18 weeks left.) That is NOT much!! Especially since I am so not prepared for this baby girl. I am waiting until the end of November to buy the big stuff. Right before Thanksgiving, we are getting a 3d ultrasound and I just want one more confirmation that this is Adalyn I am carrying and not Declan.
In other news, Blayke is catching on to how to read!! Yay!! I tried a month or so ago, and he had no interest. Now, he is gettin' it!! So exciting!! Konnor is finally talking, however I think Blayke, Cierra and I are the only ones who understand him!! Cierra is awesome. She is such a great child. She does her chores without too much fuss, she is so helpful and she is so well behaved!
Woody has been in North Dakota for 2 weeks, and will be there for 1 more. Then home for a weekend and gone til Thanksgiving, when we head to Idaho. He is such an awesome husband. He works so hard, and while he is not without fault, he is, by far, the best husband I could ask for.m
In other news, Blayke is catching on to how to read!! Yay!! I tried a month or so ago, and he had no interest. Now, he is gettin' it!! So exciting!! Konnor is finally talking, however I think Blayke, Cierra and I are the only ones who understand him!! Cierra is awesome. She is such a great child. She does her chores without too much fuss, she is so helpful and she is so well behaved!
Woody has been in North Dakota for 2 weeks, and will be there for 1 more. Then home for a weekend and gone til Thanksgiving, when we head to Idaho. He is such an awesome husband. He works so hard, and while he is not without fault, he is, by far, the best husband I could ask for.m
Monday, October 15, 2012
Midwife update
Today was my monthly visit to my awesome, amazing, fabulous, kind, caring (insert any other positive adjectives here), midwife. My goodness, I love her.
I have been having trouble sleeping at night. I fall into my bed, exhausted, and am out almost immediately. However, between 1 & 2 in the morning, I wake up and am up for 3 or 4 hours, fall back asleep for an hour or 2 and am up with the kids for the day. It has been brutal, and today, I finally just cried about it. I decided to discuss it with my midwife, and she was awesome. When I cried, she was so kind. She gave me a few, pregnancy safe suggestions as well as reminding me that I have a lot going on, and it isn't surprising that I am having these issues.
I love the personal feel I have with my midwife. She even remembers what we plan to name the baby, and refers to her by name. She evens called another client who is LDS, and lives in this area to see if she could give me her number just to help me meet people. Yep, she is awesome!!
Now, onto the update on Miss Addy. She is laying sideways in my belly, head on my left, bum on the right. She is also high, laying right above my belly button. I am measuring 23 weeks, though my dates say I am just over 21 weeks. Addy's heartbeat was right around 150, but she was wiggling like crazy, so a good solid number couldn't be registered. Speaking of wiggling, she has become much stronger. Still not as active as the boys, but she is starting to really make her presence known. I can see my belly jump when she kicks.
The craziest thing? I am just now to the weight I have started my last 2 pregnancies at! (5, if you include miscarriages!)
I have been having trouble sleeping at night. I fall into my bed, exhausted, and am out almost immediately. However, between 1 & 2 in the morning, I wake up and am up for 3 or 4 hours, fall back asleep for an hour or 2 and am up with the kids for the day. It has been brutal, and today, I finally just cried about it. I decided to discuss it with my midwife, and she was awesome. When I cried, she was so kind. She gave me a few, pregnancy safe suggestions as well as reminding me that I have a lot going on, and it isn't surprising that I am having these issues.
I love the personal feel I have with my midwife. She even remembers what we plan to name the baby, and refers to her by name. She evens called another client who is LDS, and lives in this area to see if she could give me her number just to help me meet people. Yep, she is awesome!!
Now, onto the update on Miss Addy. She is laying sideways in my belly, head on my left, bum on the right. She is also high, laying right above my belly button. I am measuring 23 weeks, though my dates say I am just over 21 weeks. Addy's heartbeat was right around 150, but she was wiggling like crazy, so a good solid number couldn't be registered. Speaking of wiggling, she has become much stronger. Still not as active as the boys, but she is starting to really make her presence known. I can see my belly jump when she kicks.
The craziest thing? I am just now to the weight I have started my last 2 pregnancies at! (5, if you include miscarriages!)
This picture shows the difference between my pregnancy with Konnor and this one. Higher and smaller this go.
Friday, October 5, 2012
20 weeks!
Yesterday, I hit the halfway mark of this pregnancy!! My! How time flies!!! BabyAdalyn is still not as active as Konnor was.... But she is definitely getting stronger!! Woody and Cierra have felt her kick. We are all so excited for this baby!!! I do kinda wish it would slow down a bit. She will be here before we know it...and the she will be 2! At least, that is how it seems to happen!
There is so much I can't wait to experience again: breast feeding, cloth diapering (already have a pretty good stash started!) baby-wearing, and breathing in the delicious smell of a newborn baby!! (Yes, I know it won't all be rainbows and roses, I have done this before!)
She already has gobs of clothes, (thanks mostly in part to a lot of clothes that I bought from Craigslist.) a playpen, (thanks to a thrift store here in Billings!) and diapers! We may be a bit excited for this Wee One!!! And, OH the flowers!! Lol!!girls are so much fun to shop for!!!!
Super cute lotj!
There is so much I can't wait to experience again: breast feeding, cloth diapering (already have a pretty good stash started!) baby-wearing, and breathing in the delicious smell of a newborn baby!! (Yes, I know it won't all be rainbows and roses, I have done this before!)
She already has gobs of clothes, (thanks mostly in part to a lot of clothes that I bought from Craigslist.) a playpen, (thanks to a thrift store here in Billings!) and diapers! We may be a bit excited for this Wee One!!! And, OH the flowers!! Lol!!girls are so much fun to shop for!!!!
Super cute lotj!
My cute kids
20 weeks 1 day!
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